Funny Valentines Poems

Funny Valentines Poems (Humorous Holiday Celebration)

If you don’t take yourself too seriously, some humor to the holiday celebration can be added by funny Valentines poems that rhyme.

Funny Valentines Poems

Funny Valentines Poems

Valentine’s Day is the ideal occasion of the year to express a little love to everyone in our life, especially when we are separated by distance.

Although Valentine’s Day is meant to be a romantic holiday, if it suits your relationship, you can still read your sweetheart a humorous Valentine’s Day poem.

Making your particular someone smile while also making them feel appreciated is a success. Now get ready to laugh your way through a few funny valentines poems that are sure to brighten your loved someone’s day.

1. A Redneck Valentine’s Day Poem by Denise Scott

Collards is green, yer eyes ain’t blue
I am so lucky to have a darlin’ like you.
Ya kin strip a motor in just few minutes
And still have time to go hunt supper and even skin it.

We go together like a skunk and stink
Ever time I see ya, my eye starts to wink.
Yer love fer me is like a roll of duct tape
Ya hold me together each time I break.

I love it when ya burp and fart
It’s music to my ears that soothes my heart.
And the sound of ya snorin’ right in my ear
Always brings to my eye a big ol’ tear.

Yer hair is soft like a dog’s hairy knees,
But I’m sure happy you ain’t got no fleas!
Yer chest is so purty and so is yer mouth,
And I can’t even tell ya how I love what is south.

On them special occasions when you shave yer beard
And clean all that hair from outta your ears
I wanna take out and show ya off to the crowd
Cuz when we go to town ya make me feel real proud.

At night when ya hold me real, real tight like ya do,
I can smell on yer breath the scent of yer chew.
I love yer kisses, ain’t none no wheres finer.
Ya taste like the road kill down at the diner.

I’d go to the Walmart for Valentine’s Day,
But I got this bad itch that just won’t go away.
So I ordered a special gift just for you
It’s a purty ol’ used motor from Evinrude!

2. Silly Valentine by Joanna Fuchs

It’s Valentine’s day,
And it’s really quite silly;
My feelings are switching around

I’m happy, SO happy!
Then I’m feeling SO sad;
I’m gloomy, I’m joyful
Oh man, this is bad!

My body is clammy,
Then I’m in a deep sweat;
Sometimes I’m giddy,
Sometimes I fret.

I’m looking for comfort food
Deep in the fridge;
Often I think
I could jump off a bridge.

What is the reason
For all the above?
It’s Valentine’s Day,
And I’m SO in love!


3. Hindsight by Joanna Fuchs

I said to you, “Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.”
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being cool.

I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I probably would have fled instead.

4. Candy Love by Terra Mobley

Fly away with me, my dove

To a forbidden place where the skittles meet the rainbow.

Lay under the Milky Way with me,

And lets gaze at the star burst together,

Just you and me, sweet bliss.

When the moon begins to eclipse, we’ll be in each other’s arms.

I never knew how much of a sweet tart you could be.

There are zero people like you.

You’re my lifesaver in this unforgiving world.

I love all your little snickers,

And I feel safe when you wrap your butterfingers around me.

I want to share all of your kisses,

Now and later, always and forever

You’re all the payday I’ll ever need.

I wouldn’t trade you for 100 grand

All because I love my sweet gummy bear.


5. Be My Valentine by Elver B

Please be my valentine.
I will open for you the door.
I will take your coat for you.
I will let you have the remote.

I will let you touch my phone.
I will let you choose the hotel.
I will let you pick my clothes.

I will hold your hand as we walk.
I will pull your chair for you.
I will let you order first.

I will look in your eyes.
I will take your hand into mine.
I will make sure you smile.

Then I will let you pay the bill.

6. Someone I Know by Lily V. Tran

There’s someone I know

Who I really can’t stand

I wish he would bury his

Head in the sand or

Move to the moon or

Deeper out of space.

Whenever I see him

I make a weird face.

Today during recess,

Outside the yard,

He suddenly gave me

A valentine card.

I wish that he hadn’t.

It made me upset.

It was the prettiest one

I could possible get.


7. I Have An Idea by Jade Valentine

I don’t get Valentine’s day.

It’s rather a pickle.

I don’t get why we fall in “love” so hard.

I say it’s a set up

for our hearts to burst.

But girls love it, so I guess it’s a curse.

Everything is pink and red,

except for my hair.

Everyone says, “Oh, love is in the air,”

but I thought it’s not true

until I saw Lilly sitting over there.

My heart raced; I was quite scared.

I never had this feeling didn’t know what to do,

So I went to my teacher and asked

“Have you been in love too?”

She smiled and laughed “Of course I have

It’s awful hard and worth the wait.”

So I guess Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad.

I mean, I fell in love with Lilly J. Labb.

8. Superhero Valentine by Karl and Joanna Fuchs

Valentine, you’re in my dreams,
Both daytime and at night;
I dream of how you’d feel to touch,
How I’d fill you with delight.

So far my dreams have not come true;
You scarcely know I’m there.
But if I were a super hero,
Then I could make you care.

As Spiderman I’d weave a web,
Lure you and catch you in it,
So you couldn’t just smile and walk away,
After talking less than a minute.

As Plastic Man my parts could stretch,
I’d form them as you desire.
We could play till we got it right;
Now that should light your fire.

As Batman I’d show you sweet mysteries
In my secret underground lair.
I’d kiss and caress you to ecstasy;
Say yes; just take my dare.

I might be the superhero you’ve dreamed;
Don’t automatically deny me.
Just put yourself in my loving hands;
You won’t be sorry; try me.

You’re my personal Wonder Woman;
Be my heroine, Valentine.
Let me show you why you should choose me,
And why you’ll love being mine.

If you don’t take yourself too seriously, some lighthearted Valentine’s Day poems can bring some fun to the occasion. You might try using them in a humorous Valentine’s Day post in addition to adding them to a card.

Are you excited about these Funny Valentines Poems? Feel free to share on Twitter or Facebook by using the super-easy share buttons.

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