20 Funny Poems That Will Definitely Crack Your Ribs

20 Funny Poems That Will Definitely Crack Your Ribs.

Funny Poems: As Madeleine L’Engle rightly said “a good laugh heals a lot of hurts”. Laughter is an amazing cure to most of our burdens and sometimes we only need a good laugh to revive us from the stress of the day and move our focus to more positive aspects of life.

Funny poems have a reputable ability to make us laugh at our struggles or laugh through our struggles. These funny poems offer newer perspectives to things we very well knew about but in a different and more comic manner.

1. God Made

God made steak
God made snakes
God you made alot of mistakes

God made cookies
God made movies
God you enjoy making dookies

God made you tall
God made you a wall
God likes to play basketball

God wears a pad
God gets mad
God is in love with chad

God made light
God made fights
God made you mistamine.
– Leticia Sanchez

2. A Crime Scene

There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.

A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.

He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.

The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He’d never forget that terrible day.

He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,

Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.

“Who could have done this terrible thing?”
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.

“Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
“It looks like the work of a cereal killer.”
– Albert Van Hoogmoed

3. A Lovely Hand

Last night I held a lovely hand,
It was so small and neat,
I thought my heart with joy would burst
So wild was every beat.

No other hand unto my heart
Could greater pleasure bring
Than the one so dear I held last night.
Four Aces and a King
– Unknown

4. Beautiful Soup

BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
Beautiful, beauti–FUL SOUP!
– Lewis Carroll

5. Canis Major

The great Overdog
That heavenly beast
With a star in one eye
Gives a leap in the east.
He dances upright
All the way to the west
And never once drops
On his forefeet to rest.
I’m a poor underdog,
But to-night I will bark
With the great Overdog
That romps through the dark.
– Robert Frost

6. Daddy Fell Into The Pond

Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then
Daddy fell into the pond!

And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!

Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When
Daddy Fell into the pond!
– Alfred Noyes

7. Funny

It’s funny how
You make me cry,
Make me feel
Like I’m a lie.

It’s funny how
You make me scream,
Make me feel
Like I’m a dream.

It’s funny how
You make my pain,
Make me feel
Like life’s a game.

It’s funny how
We try to win…

Please,
Don’t make me
Cry again.
– Sandra Osborne

8. Funny World

Funny how the very ones who
say they carry the light, also
bear the responsibility for causing
most of the pain in the world.
Funny how the loudest whiners
are the fanciest diners at the
buffet of humanity.

Funny how the rich are exempt
and the poor breed contempt;
how the nations with the most to give
play the best game of politics
supplying the weaponry that
eventually kills
even their own children.

Funny isn’t it how the world works
with its upside down righteousness
and its lawful in-justice, while
all the best parts of mankind are being
sucked out through the holes in the ozone
or dissolved completely in the furnace of
unrestrained industry, avarice and greed.

It’s a funny world alright;
funny how nobody’s laughing.
– Carolyn Brunelle

9. Funny… But Not

it’s funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
it’s funny how good memories can start to make you cry
it’s funny how forever never seems to last
it’s funny how much you’d lose if you forgot about your past
it’s funny how “friends” can just leave when you are down
it’s funny how when you need someone they never are around
it’s funny how people change and think they’re so much better
it’s funny how many lies are packed into one “love letter”
it’s funny how one night can contain so much regret
it’s funny how you can forgive but not forget
it’s funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me.
– Arianna loshnowsky

10. Funny—to Be A Century

Funny—to be a Century—
And see the People—going by—
I—should die of the Oddity—
But then—I’m not so staid—as He—

He keeps His Secrets safely—very—
Were He to tell—extremely sorry
This Bashful Globe of Ours would be—
So dainty of Publicity—
– Emily Dickinson

11. Funny Valentine

She had been a late and only child to parents
already old and set; none of us had ever

wanted to go inside that hushed house
and play with her, her room too neat, doll-crowded.

We did encourage her later, though, to enter
the high school talent contest—after we’d heard

her singing My Funny Valentine in a stall
in the girls’ bathroom, reckoning the boys

would laugh, perhaps find us even prettier
in comparison. Still, we would not have predicted

those wisteria-scaled walls, the one room
we could see from the street with its windows

open year round so that greening vines entered
and birds flew in and out—bad luck, we thought,

bad luck. By then we were members of the ladies’
garden club, the condition of her house

and what had been its garden a monthly
refreshment of disappointment, the most

delectable complaint her parents’ last
Coup de Ville sinking in tangled orchard grass

and filled to the roof—plush front seat and rear—
with paperbacks, fat, redundant romances

she had not quite thrown away—laughable,
we laughed, unphotographable—with wild restraint.
– Claudia Emerson

12. Funny, Isn’t It?

It is funny, isn’t it,
how fast one can go
from joy to sorrow
down life’s twisty road.

It makes her laugh
even as she cries…
Turn the other cheek
or let love die.

So, he called you a liar,
he says it’s true,
no matter what you say
or what you do.

‘Tis soul-killing
to suffer so,
to be thought as less
than the truth you know…

Well, time goes on
and another day comes;
feel the soft air, the sweet warm sun
and hold fast to this truth:
that you aren’t over; life is far from done.
– Esther Leclerc

14. Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.
– Rose Milligan

15. Funny Looking

At the hospital on the day of my birth
I’m told I looked strange for what it’s worth
Doc didn’t whack my rump like he did to others
Nope, I looked so funny he slapped my mother

So yeah, I wasn’t a handsome guy
Mom said my face could make onions cry
Dad took me to the zoo, and a girl made a crack
“How nice of that man to bring the monkey back”

Once I got sick with the Asian flu
I needed some medicine like other kids do
The doctor was hardly a humanitarian
When he suggested I visit a veterinarian

Being quite truthful; indeed brutally frank
They turn off the camera when I go to a bank
The first time I visited a psychiatrist—Ouch!
She insisted I lie face down on the couch

But, I made it to college and earned a bachelor’s degree
Then completed a Master’s and Ph.D
I’m the owner and president of a large company
Where lots of good looking people work for me

So if you don’t like the image you see in your mirror
Here’s a message that couldn’t be any clearer
Don’t worry young people; just hit the books
‘Cause what you know gets you further than how you look.
– Alan Balter

16. Eating Habits

Tomato sauce I’m at a loss
I simply don’t know why
Hardly ever, really never
Spots a worn out tie

But wear a new one, a costly blue one
A fancy silken job
If you’re like me; I guarantee
With gravy, you’re a slob

Spicy mustard, chocolate custard
Everybody knows
Never spill and never will
When you’re wearing your old clothes

But brand new pants don’t have a chance
Hanging on your hips
Melted cheese, with shocking ease
Drips right off your lips

So let’s suppose food really knows
When you’re dressed up fancy
I’d still conclude that eating nude
Would be very chancy.
– Alan Balter

17. Jabberwocky

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
– Lewis Carroll

18. On the Ning Nang Nong

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There’s a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can’t catch ’em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!
– Spike Milligan

19. A Word To Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Ogden Nash

20. Messy Room

Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or–
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
– Shel Silverstein

These funny poems in ways we aren’t used to provides beautiful perspectives to things we were already familiar with and tickled our fancy through all of it. It is important that you share these poems with friends and leave us a comment on your favorite funny poem.

Daily Time Poems